Catching Up

A lot has been going on over the past two months.

On Tuesday, June 7th, my mother was admitted to the hospital.  She had lost her voice a few weeks earlier and had experienced a dull headache for some time.  When her primary care physician performed a CT Scan, he found some abnormalities in her lung and brain and sent her to the hospital for more testing.

After more scans, a biopsy, and an MRI, we received a diagnosis: adenocarcinoma.  Adenocarcinoma is a type of lung cancer.  In my mother's case, it had metastasized to her brain.  The growth in her lungs was pressing on her laryngeal nerve (causing the voice issues) and she had thirteen lesions in her brain (which were causing the headache).

She stayed in the hospital while they developed a treatment plan.  Steroids to prevent swelling in the brain, whole brain radiation therapy (WBRT) to address the brain tumors, and then chemotherapy to deal with the actual lung cancer.  My mother started the WBRT and was discharged.  She was very positive and was looking forward to completing the radiation and starting chemotherapy.

However, there were a lot of setbacks.  She developed a pressure ulcer on her lower back which needed to heal before she could start chemotherapy.  My mother also needed to wean off the steroids that were helping with the neurological symptoms - as the dosage was decreased, my Mom got weaker and weaker.  Radiation sores in her mouth made it difficult for Mom to eat and drink.  She got dehydrated and then when she did try to eat or drink, she ended up aspirating the food and liquids, which contributed towards a lung infection.

In July, Mom was admitted to the local hospital twice due to low blood oxygen levels.  The first time, she was discharged after a few days.  The second time was more serious and my mother came to terms with the fact she might never be able to start, let alone complete, chemotherapy.  During this second visit, she had to remain on oxygen and had a PEG tube inserted to help prevent the aspiration.

The day after she had the tube placed, she spoke with the doctors and made the difficult decision to be discharged to a local hospice.

She was put on the hospice waiting list and was admitted on Wednesday, August 3rd.  The hospice was a much more comfortable place for everyone and my mother was able to spend her last days in a room with windows overlooking a beautiful garden with birds and wildlife.

She passed away around 6:15pm on Saturday, August 6th.

Last week, we focused on the funeral arrangements.  My mother was a planner and she made sure we all knew exactly what her wishes were, which made things as easy as possible during a difficult time.  The funeral was on Friday and we spent the weekend recovering.

This week has been pretty hard.  I'm trying to get back to normal, but it's hard for me to remember what normal is.  A full eight hour day at work where I don't need to leave early to visit the hospital?  A weekend where I don't need to find someone to watch my daughter because I'm staying at the hospice?  An hour on the Internet where I'm not searching for some sort of solution for the latest medical crisis?  Suddenly it seems like I have all the time in the world, but all I really want is my mother back.

Needless to say, my garden looks awful.  I haven't done a single thing since June.  The plants I got from Bluestone?  Dead.  The bed where the dead tree was cut down?  Ignored.  I haven't taken a single picture in months.  The pictures above are from May - I haven't even walked in the woods, so for all I know, these ferns have been mowed down by the deer. 

I'm going to try to get back in the routine of posting.  I'm hoping it will help me get back to "normal", whatever that is.  Please, just bear with me in the meantime.